THE AMERICAN LONGHAIR (A CASE STUDY)
On the verge of extinction, the elusive and often dangerous male American Longhair can still be found in its dwindling natural habitat, the rock ‘n’ roll night club. Crouching in the dark recesses of the bar, his diet consists mainly of a steady flow of beer and ale. Though largely considered solitary creatures they are often seen traveling in packs of three or four, known as a band, searching for the female of the species for mating and recreational purposes. Once a female is spotted, the competition among the band grows fierce, each male brandishing weapons of choice in order to gain the females attention. These weapons, also called instruments, aren’t necessarily used to kill (though it has been known to happen). But rather as mating calls with each member doing his best to make the loudest noise and to get the most attention. This performance ritual is usually punctuated with impressive displays of jumping, kicking and hooting. The spoils of victory not only include the right to mate with the female, but the respect of the other males in the band as well. A prime example of the American Longhair can be found in Boston, where a long surviving pack known as Roadsaw is based. This band has managed to survive the harsh, insufferable climate known as the business and actually evolve, over time, into a virtually unstoppable force, often roaming to distant territories, ravaging each and moving on in search of fresh beer and females to quence their insatiable lust. Even such natural enemies as hip hop and the slyly deceptive teen pop have failed in their attemps to exterminate them completely. If one should encounter Roadsaw, be warned. Attempts to domesticate have proven impossible. The noise they make is loud and brash, their thirst deep and they will go to great lengths to mate. Approach with caution.