Hard Vision

We Got Power Films “DESPERATE TEENAGE LOVEDOLLS” (Eclectic Distribution)

STARRING: Jennifer Schwartz, Hilary Rubens, Steve McDonald, Tracy Lea, Jeff McDonald, Kim Pilkington, Janet Housden, Michael F. Glass.

I was at a loss as to how I should review this film and, in doing so, I formed two different opinions. First of all, if you’re just an average movie fan, one who goes to the video store on a regular basis to rent stuff that you have yet to see, you’re gonna view this flick as an exceptionally rotten B-movie with a very thin plot and bad acting. Think about the absolute worst movie you have ever seen and chances are, this one will top it. I can almost guarantee it.

But, most of the people who are already familiar with “Desperate Teenage Lovedolls” have an understanding as to why this film is considered an underground classic. It’s a document of the early ’80s, L.A. punk scene and pretty much everyone who appeared in this low-budget film was involved in that scene, be it a musician or a fanzine editor. Not that it’s anything to be proud of, but, there’s a scene here where one of the characters actually shoots up. Yeah…like that’s impressive. There’s a lot of drug talk in this one, there’s sex, there’s music, it might not be that good. But, it’s got a certain charm. It’s like a bad train wreck. You really don’t wanna look at it because you’re afraid of what you might see. Still, you decide to take a peek and, once you do that, you can’t seem to turn away. Like they all say…everybody loves a train wreck. The plot…if you wanna call it that…is about three girls…actually four, with the one who shoots up being a small part of the whole deal…who have a band, they become famous, one dies, one…I have no idea what happened to her…and the main character, played by Jennifer Schwartz, becomes a bum at the end. It’s like a home movie from a bunch of teenage junkies/musicians. I mean, really, the plot is so thin, I could spend a few hours going through each scene and pointing out a lot of stupid shit. For example, the rape scene. The one girl gets raped by a guy who never takes his pants off…and the way the scene plays out, the only thing of hers that was removed was her shirt…and she’s still got her bra on. A short time later, she’s crying about it and she’s bummed out for a few seconds and her friend’s like, “Don’t worry about it, we’re gonna make it to the top and we’ll show ’em we’re not tramps” and she’s like “Okay!” If that ain’t the cheese on the sandwich, I don’t know what it is. The whole movie’s like that. But, you know what the sad part about it is? I actually like it. No shit. It reminds me of “Monster Dog,” the Alice Cooper movie that he’d probably like us to forget about. It’s pure trash, pure cheese, whatever you wanna call it…and the best part about the whole thing was the music video.

Not only do you get this film, but you also get the trailers, outtakes, a Redd Kross video, and commentary from director David Markey and the executive producer, Jordan Schwartz. So, you get a little more than the actual movie. Not a bad deal.

If you’re really into the underground scene…and I mean REALLY into it, check this out. But, if you’re looking for a good action/drama movie, your local video store is the place for you.

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