The Great News

You know, we live in a world where you have to watch what you say because you might offend someone. We see it in the media all the time. Someone famous might make a joke or give an opinion and, all of a sudden, all these people come out, bitchin’ and moanin’ about how offended they are. There’s so much pressure placed on them that they’re basically forced to say they’re sorry. Well, this article is sure to piss quite a few people off and, if you happen to be one of those people who happen to be offended by what you’re about to read, I really don’t give a shit. Take a pill and get over it.

First of all, this publication is nothing more than the gospel according to St. John. Now, that doesn’t bother me because, as hard as it may be to swallow, I do believe in God and the fact that Jesus died for our sins and all that. What I don’t believe in are these so called christians who use the word of God to program other people into feeling bad about themselves. That’s what this is all about.

I was renting an apartment from these people who claimed to be christian. I can’t even count how many times I was told that I was going to hell because I didn’t go to church or because I didn’t walk around with my head up the ass of God. Yes, it’s true, I’m going to hell and I will suffer eternal damnation because I don’t go out in public wearing a suit and tie and tell every single person I come in contact with that they’re going to hell unless they do the same thing. You christian people are such a bunch of fuckin’ retards. I know Jesus died for our sins. But, the way you talk, it’s like I strung him up there and nailed his ass to the cross myself. Once again, take a pill and get over it.

I don’t have a problem with God. I have a problem with other people trying to save my soul. You don’t know me, you don’t know what’s in my heart, you don’t know what I believe. But, you take it upon yourself to make sure that I get saved.

I told you, I believe in God. But, faith and a relationship with God should be a personal thing. God knows what’s in my heart, you don’t. You only see what you wanna see. I like rock ‘n’ roll music, I smoke, I drink, I curse and I happened to enjoy getting a glimpse at Janet Jackson’s boob. You saying that I can’t believe in God because I do all this stuff, are you saying I need to be “saved?” Hey, maybe I do need to be saved. But, it’s not gonna be an asshole like you who’s gonna open the door to Heaven for me. So, why worry? If God was so pissed off at me, he’d let me know.

God made man in his image, right? Does that mean God likes to get a blow job every now and then too?

This publication also came with a few Bible tracts as well. Oh, you know what I’m talking about. This is what people hand to you on the street when they wanna push their religion on you. I happen to enjoy porno. But, I’m not walking down the street handing out pictures of naked women. You know, it’s funny, the other day, someone decided to hand me a Bible tract. After it was more or less forced upon me, I threw it in the garbage and, believe it or not, this asshole had the nerve to get pissed off at me. I was supposed to read that, not throw it away. He was offended that I threw something away that was forced upon me. He actually stood there to see what I would do with it. I felt like whipping my penis out and saying, “Here, you’re supposed to suck this!” I think that would’ve made my point. Probably would’ve made his old lady happy to because he seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t have any balls.

Bottom line…I don’t need this shit forced upon me and neither do any of you. Each and every one of us must follow our own path in life. We must do what we feel is right for ourselves. Don’t let other people change you because you’ll become nothing more than a mindless sheep following the rest of the heard. Change comes from within. If you’re not happy with something in your life and you feel you need to change it, more power to you. If someone else tries to tell you what they feel is wrong with your life, kindly tell them to go fuck themself. That’s the gospel according to St. Paul. Deal with it.